note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
