I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
