I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
