I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
