you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
