she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
