I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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