isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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