I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize