Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
