there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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