Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
