I am in a vortex of obligation.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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