Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
