I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
