She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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