I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
