My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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