it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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