I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
