I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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