My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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