OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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