You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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