who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
