There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
