I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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