My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
thus making me awesome and them whores
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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