i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
