You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
