he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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