the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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