what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
