Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
