trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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