Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
soo... how was my night?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
