p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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