i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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