I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I touched a dick in church today
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
