my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
