FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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