Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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