Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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