even my farts smell like vagina
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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