he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
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The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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