he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
