Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
