Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
