carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
