He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
