i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
