I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We need to rekindle our bromance
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
