i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
did you just send me my own nude
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
