what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
