I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
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the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
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Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize