Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
