New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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