I didn't shave. On purpose
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
