I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
