so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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