dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
