Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
