OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
