I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i now understand why vodka
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
