i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
