I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
