chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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