Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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