i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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