i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
