just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
