you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
