I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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